"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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