can u get pink eye on your cock?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
