I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
