I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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