He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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