This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Even my vagina gasped.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
