Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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