Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
