he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
