I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
