She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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