Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
