did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
