she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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