I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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