In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
