Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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