I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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