i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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