the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
