I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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