So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
