i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
