He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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