she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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