I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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