My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
