My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
