I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
