I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
