I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
