I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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