youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
