I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
