Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
