those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Come see our sink grown plant.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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