Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
