I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
