but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
