I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
