I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
