Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
