I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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