Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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