Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
