I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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