you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
