ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
