Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
