Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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