The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
