What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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