i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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