Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
